Still

This fall, I went through a study called Experiencing God which proved to be infinitely more challenging and thought-provoking than I'd expected. You come to know God by experiencing Him.
Our experiences play a huge role in shaping our attitudes don't they? Some experiences you may miss because you weren't paying attention; others you can't possibly ignore. Some experiences you would consider fortunate to see just once in your life; others you would never seek out given the choice. But all situations good or bad, subtle or obvious can help us grow.
I am certain that God was using a negative situation in my life to teach me something. Ten years ago next week I spent an evening in prison for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. No, that's not entirely true. I think it was because I was on my way to Tarshish instead of Nineveh.
They had a witness ready to swear it had been me. And I could think of no way to prove my innocence. My life seemed out of control and out of my hands. Sometimes the worst thing in the world is to be left alone with your thoughts, your imagination. How would this impact my future?
I had been preparing to choose a path towards a university, a profession. Would I be able to do any of that anymore? And then You were there asking if I remembered You.
Do you trust Me?
"Yes Lord."
Be still and know I am God.
But my father would surely have to resign over this. And I would be the cause of it. Would my family even ever believe me?
Do you trust Me?
"Yes Lord."
Be still and know I am God.
Would I have to change schools, or move? Leave everything I knew behind?
Do you trust Me?
"Yes Lord."
Be still and know I am God.
And I was. And He delivered me. I thought of the whole ordeal as a wake up call.
I hadn't thought of this for years until last month. It kept coming back to me through different means. Something I'd read, something someone would say, that date being mentioned. For the first time in ten years, I'd felt compelled to share the story with other people. It had never been the kind of story that I wanted people knowing about. The memory was too haunting; it hurt too much. But I felt that God was leading me to share it and I didn't know why. I needed a little more convincing. That week, there was a group discussion about the ways God speaks to us. The leader asked if anyone had some personal experiences to share. A moment of silence passed, and everyone started looking at me. Well I guess that settles that!
In a conversation afterwards, an important thing was articulated in my mind: why do you suppose God would impress this upon your heart now after so long? Was it something that someone there really needed to hear? Sometimes you never find out.
But that Sunday I had my answer. In the morning, we sang an exceptional song,
When the oceans rise
And thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God.
That evening we looked at the story where Jesus calmed the storm.
"Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
"Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith."
In that moment, I realized why He wanted me to share that story. It wasn't so that someone could take something away from it, it was so that I would pay attention to something He wanted to tell me. Why are you so afraid? I hadn't realized it, but I was afraid. I'd thought I was disaffected and depressed, but I was afraid of the unknown.
It all came together. He was telling me the same thing He'd said ten years earlier.
Do you trust Me?
Be still and know I am God.