Tax season 06 - don't forget!

The people at work think I'm mad or something. I couldn't find another contractor (there are many) in the building who does his or her taxes on his or her own. It's a matter of principle really. I find it unconstitutional that a person who can read, write, and use a calculator should not be able to do his or her own taxes. And here we are thinking our country is so great, but the rest of the world is snickering at how complicated our taxes are. So complicated that not only does the average Joe become confused, but the college and university trained professionals think that the only option is to go to an accountant or at least get software to do it for you.
Pen and paper, that's what I've always used. The Scottish way I suppose. And the last two years, I've actually used a calculator as well. Microsoft calculator since I can't seem to ever stop misplacing mine. All this has made me a bit of a tax guru at work, but unfortunately, it also means that I'll probably be audited this year. But whatever - that will be a learning experience as well which will make me more of an expert! Ask me again later and I will probably not be so positive about it.
Anyway, that's about it for 2006 - it only took about three weeks humming and hawing about it to get done - and with three days to spare!

Retrospective

I just read over my last few posts and came to a realization. If one were to attempt to draw a common thread between their themes, one could come to the conclusion that I had just broken up with someone. The truth is, there is generally no common thread among any consecutive thoughts I have. And this is no exception. Unless the common thread is bad news. Seriously, anyone who knows me, beware. Based on the things that have been happening around me, I think it is hazardous to know me.
As much as I may try not to, I think I care too much.

When expectations fall

Another day ends. As the sun sets, the questions rise. Will tomorrow bring more news? How many times does the spirit have to be cut before the body dies? The tears could fill the ocean but they do not come.

Beloved
Why do you linger
I needed you
You weren't there
For whom shall I be brave
For whom shall I be strong
I could tell you
Things will get better soon
And begin to believe
But I know that you don't exist
And I was never meant to be

EE Exams

And so ends the winter installment of EE. With all the time I'll have freed up I'll be able to do things like make food and sleep once more.
We had our written examination this past week and somehow I scored 98% without studying too hard. Today is the recorded oral examination. I know that I'm not going to do quite as well. A 30 minute monologue without any notes isn't my idea of a fun time. I don't know... I just haven't been able to settle down to practice lately. Maybe I can declare a mulligan if I fail. Some people seem to think I don't worry enough about the exams. But I have enough other things to worry over.
That and I don't really care about getting a piece of paper. I know what I've learned and I don't feel the need to prove it to anyone.

Simple words for a complex time

I know that you're brave,
But I'm not.

Is even this from God?
What does He want to teach?
Is this our Meteor?
It always falls somewhere.
Why did it fall on you,
When it should have been me?

I know you don't care,
But I do.

What about my brother?
What is it I should say?
Swollen eyes look at me,
He's angry and he's scared.
And I stand there useless,
With my heart in my throat.

I know you'll do well,
But I won't.
And it's not fair.

Indifference

Am I gone from your mind
Before I've left your sight
As you smile at my face
Do you curse at my back

Friend or enemy
I am none
And it falls to me
To wonder

If I could see myself
Oft as you admire
A piece of glass

Would I understand
That I am
That I ever was
Nothing

Save your problem

Things my trainer and I say

My EE trainer and I are just different people I've decided. But it's so gratifying that people who are so different can get along even laugh with each other when they have the most important thing in common. Sometimes we can look at each other as if to say, "from which planet did you just land??" and then just carry on. Let's see... what are a few of the absurd things we've said to each other...?

W: Rue, don't tell people I know everything... They might believe you!

Rue: What's this box of crisps doing here?
W: Gary just put them on your desk because you're the baby - so you need candy.

Rue: Did you see how that lady was beaming at me when I approached her?
W: Yeaaaaaaaah... I think she was impressed with you.
Rue: Until the words I was saying registered... Friendlier reception than I'm accustomed to from most women though...

W: Rue, I like how you asked if they would like to receive the gift of eternal life at the end of the presentation tonight. I could tell you had great passion.
Rue: You know, it's kind of like asking someone to be your girlfriend... There's all this exhilaration and uncertainty, and it matters a great deal to you. And when they say yes, you just sit there stunned and try to think of something more intelligent to say than a bewildered, "really?" Only when witnessing, the outcome is all the more mysterious and uncertain to us, and bears so much more significance. I just couldn't help but be passionate.
W: (Looks at Rue incredulously as if to say, "You're odd and creepy.") Is that what it's like for a guy asking a girl out??
Rue: Uh... well, that's what I hear it's like... Heh, heh........

W: Out of all my trainees, there was this one girl who was the best I've ever seen. She worked hard and scored perfectly on the examination. But you're good, Rue; I think you're going to be better than her because English is your first language.
Rue: Oh OK thanks... No pressure then.

W: Gary, look at Rue - he's not afraid to go into the mall!
Rue: Actually I think I'm going to go throw up in the washroom, Ok...?

What an idiot

Every day, I find I am confronted with a complete idiot. You know, it's getting to the point where I'm really starting to tire of the monotony. I wish one of these days - just to change things up a bit - I wish one of these days, that idiot wasn't me.
I think the world would be happier if I just went and lived in some hole somewhere and didn't bother anyone anymore.

Unity

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit - just as you were called to one hope when you were called - one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all
Eph4:3-6

There's something that's been bothering me lately, and I feel the need to talk it through. I've noticed a bit of a trend in a number of people's attitudes in my circles that has given me pause. One person said it straight out: "ask a Catholic what they are trusting for eternal life and they will always answer with works." Whoa. Am I completely naive to think that's simply untrue?
Have we come to a point now where we have placed our trust in grace plus doctrine? Sure, in order to place your trust in something, there's a certain amount of knowledge and assent required. If I am to place my trust in a chair I need to know it exists and believe it can hold me up. If I am incorrect about the existence of said chair, or incorrect in the belief that it will hold me up, attempting to sit in it will land me humiliatingly on the floor. But suppose the chair does in fact exist and can easily support my weight. Do I need to agree with you about its colour? If I say the chair is made of plastic and you say it's made of wood, will one of us be unable to successfully seat ourselves in it? If one doesn't understand how and where the chair was built, does that preclude a person from sitting in it? Certainly not! But of course there is an absolute truth about the nature of the chair. It does have specific colours, it was made of specific materials, in a specific place and in a specific manner.
In the same way, there is absolute truth about God and salvation. Just like one must know of the chair's existence in order to trust it, it would seem there are some essential beliefs about God to enable salvation. To name a few, the Trinity, the deity of Christ, his resurrection, atonement and our salvation by grace. Are there non-essentials? If I cast doubt upon the Assumption of Mary and you believe she was transported to heaven in body and soul, does one of us stand condemned? If I have never spoken in tongues, is that evidence that the Holy Spirit is not in me and that I do not have eternal life? Or are you going to hell for thinking it's essential? What if I say salvation cannot be lost and you say it can? What if I say you don't need to be baptized in a certain manner or at all to attain salvation, and you say I do? There is an absolute truth to all those disagreements and it's good that we should seek the truth. But if these are all essentials, we are in big trouble.
Is it wrong that I should not suffer listening to people who insinuate or say outright that being a Roman Catholic is sufficient evidence of a lack of trust in Christ for salvation? I have been exposed to quite a few denominations and sets of beliefs in my time. It is perhaps for this reason that I am so sensitive to the disunity of the Church. If I told you I grew up in the United Church but no longer attend a church from that denomination, many people would turn up their noses and say, 'well I guess you came around in the end!' I have experienced Presbyterian churches, Pentecostal, Baptist, Catholic, Brethren, Reformed. I have even had a painful experience with the Church of Christ which is another story altogether. Invariably people will ask me what denomination I'm from. Christian? No, no, but what denomination of Christian? I don't know... uh, none? You mean you're non-denominational? Well, yes I suppose... And no. In the end, the term non-denominational is often understood as every church being its own denomination. I don't want to be a division within Christ. The only division I want to focus on is in Christ or not. And by the way, there are adherents to every denomination who are perishing. Do you suppose God is impressed if you stick your nose over the fence and declare that there is a higher percentage of sheep perishing in your neighbour's field?
Why did Jesus pray for unity before he was arrested? Max Lucado explained,
Unity matters to God. The Father does not want His kids to squabble. Disunity disturbs Him. Why? Because "all people will know that you are my followers if you love each other" (John 13:35). Unity creates belief. How will the world believe that Jesus was sent by God? Not if we agree with each other. Not if we solve every controversy. Not if we are unanimous on each vote. Not if we never make a doctrinal error. But if we love one another.
How then are we to love one another? Shall we discard the idea of absolute truth? Certainly not! But I wouldn't exactly call throwing those differences in someones face altogether loving. I'm out on a limb here - am I completely crazy or just naive???

I reckon I'm in love

In His love. I can't understand it. He who spoke each star and calls them by name. He who formed the mountains in His hand. He has a deep interest in me who stands here one moment awkward, the next rebellious, the next embarrassingly stupid. Unconditional love? I just can't fathom it. People are always misusing the term. People always have conditions, whether they realize it or not. Sometimes conditions so far outside the bounds of plausible circumstances - but still there. Ask people who know me and chances are, you'll find one or two who would be eager to tell you that I haven't a single redeeming quality. Maybe they'd be eager to tell you if you didn't ask. As far as I can tell, the attitude of that person towards me would be a far cry from loving. But the thing is, on my own merit, I don't have a single redeeming quality against God's standard. Gomer is my name yet He loves me still.
How then shall I love You? As gracious provider? Or mighty defender? As sovereign Lord? As Father or Brother? As friend or lover? Someone once answered this question with a simple "yes." May I never neglect new facets or You.