The encounter

Something shocking happened the other night. Anyone who does not already know I'm a scatterbrain and does not wish to know the truth - you may wish to ignore the following. Anyone who feels comfortable with the alternative arrangement, read on.

He stood in a room filled with people. Faces he knew well chatted with others he didn't. Some faces he thought he recognized yet to which he could not affix names flitted through the crowd as well. But whether old friends or acquaintances, none of the eyes of those faces glanced at him. Feeling lost, he thought it was a mistake to come to this place, but knew he must have come for a reason, even though he couldn't remember what that was.
An awareness between his shoulders made him turn. Just as though he had spoken her name, she turned at the same moment. His breath caught when he saw her face as though seeing her for the first time, like a phantom always on the edge of his vision but never there when he looked. As she gazed at him, she was all at once a stranger and someone he knew very well his entire life. It seemed the room was empty save for her.
"Rue," she breathed, her eyes softening. The word felt like a caress. He could feel the flesh pebbling on his arms. His vision narrowed and he felt as though he was floating backwards watching something happening to someone else. He couldn't breathe.
Her gaze faltered and dropped to the floor.
Seeming to gather herself she looked up and drew closer. She was too close and yet he couldn't move; his feet were rooted in place. She smiled apologetically. "I have this thing for you."
He couldn't think, it was as though he could only watch as though detached. "Uh... thanks," he heard himself say awkwardly. "I like things. But my birthday has already passed."
"Oh," she looked disappointed as though she'd expected him to say something else. She stepped back looking away. "I have to..."
He never found out what it was she had to do, because she turned and slipped away without completing the phrase. His awareness crashed back into itself and the room was suddenly full of people again.
For a fleeting moment he thought he should call after her. He didn't know why he didn't.

When I woke up, I couldn't help but marvel. Even when I'm asleep, I'm a complete idiot. At least that fact was one realistic bit in a generally doubtful dream.
I wonder what Freud would say. Maybe that love is right under my nose and I've failed to see. That, or he'd say it's some convoluted sign that I'm going to call my mother tomorrow.

The curse of June 12

Well, well, well. WELL.
Put me in a temple and call me an oracle. I said bad things would happen this week and this week has made good on the promise. My work computer got randomly toasted so I've been a little constrained in the scope of my work. Hopefully by next week I'll have it back. And hopefully I won't be too far behind... Also I almost got hit from behind this morning. But I guess the 'almost' part makes it good news.
But the day wasn't a complete wash. I derived some cruel pleasure this morning on the highway as some girl who was annoying me with her rude driving got yanked over by the police right in front of my eyes. I don't know what kind of tickets that officer was handing out because I'm not aware of any explicit law saying you may not pass on the on-ramp merging lane.
So my birthday in a nutshell is summed up with highway fun, computer folly, and much fun tomfoolery at the Adam House.

Praise You

Tonight was the end of a long year of choir activities. We've had some good times and we had some low times. Tonight was exceptionally good. And exhausting. I can't speak much for the overall quality of the music but from where I was sitting I know it was one of those memories I will look back on for a while.
It's like what Jared said. It's great that so many people came and that they responded so well, but there was something going on tonight and whether people showed up or not, we had no option but to cry out in worship. Not because it was scheduled and it was our job but because He is so worthy.
But it's great that people came. To see so many upturned faces and raised hands and people dancing - and being a part of that... To surrender as a single blade of grass in a field to move as the wind cuts among them.
Praise You was such a fitting name for the concert.

Praise the LORD.

Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.

Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.

Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,

praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,

praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.

Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.

Praise the LORD.
Ps. 150

Anyone want an extra birthday this year?

I have to say - I'm not so fussy about birthdays. No that's not true; I like it when my friends have birthdays. I'm just not so thrilled about my own. Aside from the fact that you feel that much older, it's the time of the year where you have to renew everything that has to do with your car. I took my car in for repairs last week and I found out when I presented my ownership that I'd been driving around for a year with an invalid one, owing to the fact that the address on it didn't match my licence. Just after blowing through a speed trap with a heavy foot.
But aside from having to deal with the MTO lineups, historically I've had some pretty bad days. Last year I was sick. Two years ago, my car was dying but otherwise I avoided mishap. It landed instead on some lady who got hit by a car right in front of me. Three years ago, my alternator seized up on my car and I couldn't go anywhere and had to shell out loads of time and money to get it fixed. Before that, I remember studying for and writing a rigorous midterm. In fact, the best birthday I can remember in the past eight years was when I went to someone else's graduation and spent ages listening to speeches that were in a language I couldn't understand.
So anyone near me on Tuesday, watch out for falling rocks! I'm going to go down to the Adam House volunteering for Alpha that day which seems safe enough, but you never know...

Vows: I will or I do?

Last week, someone at work was saying that he couldn't understand how some people could hate their job so much, yet they don't want to find something else. "We have such a luxury in this country. I mean, if you're a slave, you can't just say, 'hey I don't like it here, I think I won't come in tomorrow.'"
I wonder if I'm like that. I don't always have the greatest time at work, but I still think it's generally a good experience.
But then he went over the edge. "It's kind of like this. I hate it when people say they should stay in their marriage for the children. I mean, the kids are going to know anyway. If you're not happy with your situation, you should find a situation where you are happy."
Wow. Turns out I've had my thinking backwards all this time! Here I thought that a good reason to stay in a marriage was the fact that you are committed to that person. And to the children. Irrespective of how well you seem to be getting along with them at the time.
If your partner lost an arm or a leg or half a face, and suddenly you couldn't do so many things that you wanted to do in life because of the partner's needs, what would you do? Would you leave them in order to pursue your own endeavours or could you say 'I love you and I'm committed to you.' Whether they are whole or not; whether they get old or not. And by the way, they will. What would you expect your partner to do if you were mangled in an auto wreck?
What's the point getting married if you know you're not committed from the start? If you're not committed your vow means nothing and you're pretty much merely boyfriend and girlfriend.

On an unrelated note, a question came to my mind today which I've argued with someone before yet realize I don't know the answer. Is it worse to have girls in your life who like you but none of whom are a good match, or to have nobody like you at all? Assuming that option three - living happily ever after - is not on the table in the hypothetical present situation.