Mad World

...Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow; no tomorrow, no tomorrow. And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad - the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. I find it kind of hard to tell you, I find it kind of take, when people run in circles it's a very very
Mad Word...
-Tears for Fears

It's strange - somehow I'd never heard this old song before and then I did twice this week. Such a bleak song. And yet it fit the mood so well. I want to take a message of hope to the world, yet lately it seems as though I've kept none for myself. Have I lost my helmet? We all live in the same mad world. Eventually, everyone experiences great lows in their life. It would seem that in order to deal with these lows, one must understand them. I've been through many of such periods in my time and have interpreted and dealt with them in different ways, some of which are to my shame. I deserve it because... I can change this... God will fix this... It was bound to happen to someone... It will build character... Don't talk about it... Someone must hate me... But what about this famous one:

God grant me serenity to accept what cannot be changed,
Courage to change what should be changed,
And wisdom to know the one from the other

There are so many things that will not change for now, and maybe never will. So what is this serenity that we can accept the unfavourable for what could end up a lifetime?

Is it by ignoring the situation as though drunk? By taking a stoic attitude to it, or by having God remove the pain and emotion associated with it? Did Stephen not feel pain as he was stoned to death? Did Paul not feel the sting of rejection? Did he not feel hunger and thirst? Did God remove his pain as he was beaten? Did Abraham's heart not break as he lifted his knife at Moriah?

Why is it that people can endure incredible hardships and still carry on where others would sit in the ashes and give up? It must be hope. Faith, hope and love - we talk about faith and love so much. Why is it we don't often talk about hope?

What is this hope that keeps us living? Hope that the night will soon pass? Hope that He will turn my life around? Where's the hope on this side of death if I am paralyzed? Is it hope in miraculous healing that keeps me going? Where is the hope? I've talked to people who have convinced themselves that they will change their situation by doing such and such. Maybe they can and maybe they can't. I know people who have planned out their whole life - their jobs, the number of children, even planning with whom they will raise those children (even though that other person is unaware!) So what happens when life doesn't turn out as they'd hoped? Shall I place my hope in that which is uncertain? Should we have hopes for this life? What is their place?

I once tried to discourage someone from planning out the future in such fine detail. Was I wrong to tell her not to hang her happiness on something that couldn't be planned and that blindly trying to chase it could cause her to miss something better? I guess we just need to keep our earthly dreams in perspective with our eternal hope. Without a hope in eternal life, everything is the moment. One must then bind their hopes by space and time. But since I have this hope in that which does not pass away, were I paralyzed, I could have the hope of walking again.

In this world or after, I will walk again. And one day, those hopes will seem so irrelevant as we soar on new found wings.