I'm the wrong man for the job

Lord, I'll do anything you ask of me... except that.

Why is it that God so often asks us to do the things we don't want to do when there are so many other ways in which we would enjoy serving? Isn't there someone better? I'm just water - ordinary. But is it about us or about God? In doing the things we don't want to do, we submit to God's will and not our own selfishness.

Punishment for a self-effacing person is to throw them into a situation where they have to make small-talk with a complete stranger. The worst punishment is to force them to share personal information with a stranger. It's about as unfortunate of a combination as being a painfully shy extrovert. But regardless, today I began giving serious thought of taking the Evangelism Explosion course this winter. Is it where God is leading me, or is this just me being masochistic? I need to figure that out by Tuesday.

A challenging day with plenty on which to think. Tonight, I was challenged to evaluate my focus on justice. To do nothing is to support to status quo. But Father, what would You have me do? Am I to care for the poor and marginalized, and the widows and orphans, and the sick and diseased, and the persecuted? Or is the greatest injustice that people in our own country should talk to Christians every day, and yet never know God. If I focus on everyone, I'll be of use to no one. And I'll go completely mad.

So what would You have me do?

But that's the wrong question, I think. I mean if it was just about Him wanting get some task done, why use us at all? Couldn't He do it altogether more efficiently Himself? But in working through us, we ourselves come to know God more intimately, and we grow spiritually. Therefore the correct question might be more along the lines of, what would You have me be? Don't try to do all the big tasks on your own because you think they need to be done. To act in God's name without God's ordination is to break the third commandment, is it not? If God wants you to do those things, He will lead you there. Correct the areas of your life where The Spirit convicts you, and pay attention to Him for directions on even the small things.

It's a bit late to start illustrating what I mean but it's only Monday tomorrow. And I hate to bring this up given that I've written about girls entirely too much in the past month, but...

For years now, family members and friends have all started getting married and even started having children. And if I hadn't already been aware of the fact, others have certainly made extra sure that I knew my single peers are a dying breed. In the face of this situation, I had two questions for God. Do You intend for me to marry at all? And if so, how would You have me achieve that? God didn't answer either question. He certainly didn't say, go there, say this, do that. But He did convict me of selfishness. In the words of Dawson McAllister,

That's what marriage has taught me: I - am - selfish. Hate is not the opposite of love; selfishness is the opposite of love. And we need our selfishness problem dealt with. And that's why Jesus died on the cross. And that's why Jesus is alive. And that's why we need to turn our lives over to Jesus Christ, because when Christ comes into our life he gives us love. No Christ no love, no love no marriage.

So He's been at work in the selfishness aspect of my life. I still don't know if He will give me a partner. But what I do know is that I need to be what He would have me be, regardless of that.

Would getting married solve a person's selfishness problem? No, it would certainly make it more apparent, but it wouldn't solve anything. Would rushing off to another country to do mission work solve a person's selfishness problem? Maybe it's what you need to do to realize just how selfish you are. But that in itself isn't going to fix the problem, and you certainly won't accomplish great things until you do.

I submit that the justice problems we have in the world are a result of selfishness. Maybe we should be attacking the root rather than the symptom. We need to go back and submit our lives to Christ and be the servants God would have us be.

Whatever will follow will follow.