Wine and Cheese

Here's a blast from the past for anyone out there who lived with me in University.

I came upon an old scrap of paper back from university today. I probably kept it with the foresight that it would one day make me chuckle. It did.
Every year in the fall, one of the guys floors in the college in which I was living would host a wine and cheese party. Tradition dictated that not only would all the ladies in the college have free admission, but they would also all receive personal invitations from one of the guys of the hosting floor. So every year, the names would be split up and every guy on the floor would be responsible for 3-5 invitations - in theory. In theory because not everyone felt comfortable doing it or cared enough to bother. With good cause. Let me illustrate:
In my frosh year, I was assigned two roommates to invite. Time ticked and I didn't come up with any inspiration or courage. Time constraints forced me to go ahead with neither. As I ended up putting together some amusing story that had a moral of "go to the wine and cheese or your ears will fall off," got together some props, dressed up all formal and marched out to do some invites.
My first ever invite was a complete Ktastrophe with a CAPital KAY. The door was closed. I could hear voices. Perfect, they were both there so I could get them both in one shot. I got psyched; I knocked. A girl opened the door. She was on the phone. The roommate wasn't there. I didn't know which one she was.
"Uhhh... hi..."
She looked me up and down. You know the look. I was standing there, a stark stranger dressed pretty formal. At her door. Being a frosh as well, she had no idea what was going on and assumed the worst.
"Can you come back later?"
"Uhhh..."
"Like ten? OK."
Slam.
A half hour later, I was telling someone what happened feeling a bit dumb. He gave me that sympathetic pained expression. "OOOOoh, rejected..."
Ten came and - I can't imagine how but - I found the courage to go back. She wasn't there. But her roommate was. Yeah, I know. So I did my spiel; she laughed at the silly story and said she would go and thanked me for coming out.
"Uhhh... maybe you should just let your roommate know she's invited as well...." Because there was no WAY I was showing my face there again!

A few years later, I found myself living on the same floor at the same time of the year. The assignments came in, but this time I was more ambitious. A few friends and I decided to band together and make up some singing invites. We wrote up some new lyrics to songs like, 'Breakfast at Tiffany's,' 'For the Longest Time,' 'In the Jungle.' All with vocalized instrumentation and harmony. I think we had about a dozen different songs by the end because people started following us around and we didn't want to repeat stuff in front of them. Incidentally, word came back to me around that time that one of the frosh had been pretty creeped out by my invite until she realized that I wasn't actually asking her out. SIGH. It seems like at that point, I made a habit of making girls uneasy with my presence which would be repeated several more times over the years. But I persevered. I think I ended up being involved in some capacity for at least thirty invites. Not to mention the biggest one.
In the middle of a community dinner, I got up and invited one of the girls up to make a little announcement. I sat her down in a chair and sang her an invite on my own in front of about a hundred and fifty people. She still goes on about it four years later. Apparently the cafeteria lady was pretty impressed too. "Hey honey, you made me cry - here have some extra greasy potatoes."

As I recall, the floor went the extra mile and got some tokens to give to the ladies the afternoon of the party. At this point, after having wasted my time doing all of the above, I should have been studying. Instead, I wrote a bunch of stupid poems to offer with the flowers I was to hand out. I remember thinking, boy these pretty much write themselves. But I got a following nevertheless. Though it was probably to watch me make an idiot of myself more than anything. Here are some examples of the awe-inspiring garbage I can propagate:

* * *

As April showers fall softly down
To feed thirsty soil at sunrise
Softly, tenderly, now I drown
In the radiance of your eyes.

* * *

The dark clouds do thunder
The raging oceans swell
The prophets make me wonder
At disasters they foretell
But I won't ever quiver
No I won't even fret
If one smile you would deliver
These things I'd not regret

* * *

I have seen the mighty mountains
The winds on the grassy fields play
I have beheld the vast ocean
Sparkle gold in the sun's ray
I have smelled the blooming flowers
In the rainy month of May
But never did I falter
Till you took my breath away